

We are all victims on both sides of this. So I clothe it in the armor of anger and I lash out.Īnd that’s what other people do. Or whatever has happened to me in the past that gives fuel to my own fears. My fear that if I lose status maybe once again I will l go broke, or lose my marriage, or go homeless, or start drinking and taking drugs. It’s usually because they said or did something that triggered some fear inside of me. It’s usually not because what the other person did. I only know this because I look at when I get angry at something. When someone lashes out at me, I quickly realized what was happening, as painful as it was at the moment. Or one completely insane outburst, then I have to restart the clock and it’s another 24 hours.įor those people, it’s just a game of reaction-reaction. Whenever there is “outrage porn” directed in my attention I learned one rule: if I don’t deal with it for 24 hours then it goes away. It’s my choice always in those moments and I know exactly what I will choose. Because nothing is better than being around people you love.
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Or will I give the people I love my full attention. Will I spend those moments agonizing about people who hate me, people stuck in my head shouting at me in my imagination? This means, when I see my wife, or my friends, or my children, or people who I love, it may be the last time I see them or speak to them. This doesn’t mean, “Ok! Eat cake! Party all day!” From friends or even from people you don’t know or from relatives. Two days ago it was more like ten emails saying that. Yesterday, someone wrote me and said I was probably the dumbest person alive. So now I haven’t spoken to one of my best friends, or my sister (who had really been my best friend all my life) in years. She said, “I never want to speak to you again for the rest of my life.” My sister wrote me and said she would sue me unless I took it down.

I wrote about my father and my fears of how I was making the same mistakes he made in life. Why didn’t you pick up the phone and just ask me? Of course I am not for slavery or anything even remotely close to that.”īut he said, “Let’s just wish each other well and not speak anymore.”Īnother time I wrote an article about my family. I said, “We’ve known each other 20 years. After a few months I realized one of my best friends wasn’t calling me back. Or people were saying, “you’re worse than Hitler.” Or people were saying, “you are the worst scum of the Earth.”Īnd it wasn’t just strangers. One person wrote, “if you were in front of me I’d cut off your penis and force you to eat it.” There were about 500 comments to the article. I figured, “All of these people will love me.” Because I wanted to be loved. I was afraid to publish the article anywhere. The history books with the justifications get written later. All I know is that there is nothing that I would ever feel strongly enough about where I would allow my 16 year old daughter to take a gun to another country and shoot other little kids. I don’t know enough to have a real opinion. I wrote an article on July 4 on why I was against all wars. Maybe the worst was exactly four years ago today.

I’ve had people even show up unexpectedly at my house ready to argue with me. Even two rap songs composed just to bash me). I’ve had several major media outlets write articles trashing me (with hundreds of comments agreeing. It will make communication with your contacts simpler and more comfortable.I’ve had four death threats.
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